Edited_ Ep. #67 Dr. Regina Groff
Dr. Regina Groff: [00:00:00] it's really important that we start thinking about those things beforehand. You know, that we hold on to something and that we do have boundaries around things that we love. So these are the things that I love to do and I'm going to continue doing these because I love them. I'm not going, I don't have to wait until I'm 55 years old to do the things that I love.....
Michelle Fox: Welcome to Nourish with Michelle Fox, your guide to a vibrant life after 40! If consistency has been a challenge for you and you occasionally forget self-care, you, my friend are in the right place. Tune in for weekly inspiration to nourish your mind. I know your plate's full and I want to help you support a life and a body that you adore. Let's dig in.
Michelle Fox: So I want you to pause and think of that one person. It could be two or three, but [00:01:00] just think of one person who comes in and out of your life at the most divine time. And just think of how that makes your heart feel. I'm going to give you a moment. And the reason why I'm opening this way is because my heart is so full of gratitude and excitement to be able to have this next conversation with my sister, girlfriend, Dr. Regina Groff. Let me read her bio and then We are jumping right into it because yes, I'm having a hard time staying in my seat and you're going to see why in a moment. So, a native of Brooklyn, New York, Dr. Regina Groff is the daughter of Bonita and John. Dr. Regina's professional experience includes teaching at both the secondary and college levels, writing and refining curricula for new and established organizations.
Michelle Fox: Developing programs for [00:02:00] organizations across the country and serving in pastoral leadership. We're definitely going to touch on a story there, .... So for 25 plus years, Dr. Regina has coached and trained emerging and veteran leaders, provided strategic leadership through pivotal transitions and helped organizations boost potential and achieve long lasting impact.
Michelle Fox: Her experiences during those key moments led her to found CommissionED. CommissionED has evolved from primarily focusing on program design and curriculum development to providing full services in learning and development, team development, and organizational capacity building. Dr. Regina's approach to learning and development extends beyond conventional methods. It is designed to resonate with the unique journey of each organization. Drawing upon the intersection of her faith based principles and [00:03:00] education background, she seeks to awaken potential and spark a deeper sense of purpose. You see why I have invited her to the show. So Dr. Regina, welcome.
Dr. Regina Groff: Thank you. Thank you. It's so good to be here with you, Michelle.
Michelle Fox: Mm. So I think, oh, well, thank you, darling. I'll take it. And what I said at the open is so sincere when I woke up this morning and saw that you were on the calendar.
Michelle Fox: Oh, happy heart flutters like cartoon flutters out of my heart. And also at the little tease I said at the beginning. Many people probably don't know, but you married me to my first husband as our Reverend and Marriage Counselor.
Dr. Regina Groff: I did.
Michelle Fox: Hmm. So we go way back, so I'll do my best to, you know, contain some of this excitement so we can actually get a [00:04:00] conversation going that actually heals and helps our listeners.
Dr. Regina Groff:How about that?
Michelle Fox: Well, and with that, before we jump into that juicy goodness, I would love to invite you to play a rapid fire game.
Dr. Regina Groff: Okay. Let's go. Let's go.
Michelle Fox: Okay. First question. If you had to pick your son or daughter, just kidding. Don't answer that. Just, just thought I'd throw in a little bit of levity to begin with.
Michelle Fox: Oh my goodness. So the true question, when I say sweet, salty, or savory, which one do you choose?
Dr. Regina Groff: Sweet. Yes, absolutely.
Michelle Fox: All right. And because I know you are business woman plus, in addition to all of the other amazing titles you have, when you look at your inbox, would you say you're closer to inbox zero or inbox [00:05:00] 10, 000?
Dr. Regina Groff: Inbox 10, 000.
Michelle Fox: Okay. And then last but not least, would you be willing to share a story with us of you as a child in the kitchen?
Dr. Regina Groff: A child. Ooh, let's see. It always, I always go back to, I guess, when I think about the kitchen. My grandmother's, house in Brooklyn. And that was the place where everyone gathered.
Dr. Regina Groff: Was in her apartment on the, I believe it was the third floor. I still remember the address too. It was on Franklin Avenue. 599 Franklin Avenue. but we always gathered in the kitchen. And the kitchen was not very large. But of all the kitchens throughout my entire childhood, it's the one I remember the most.
Dr. Regina Groff: And so everything happened there. My cousin, you know, she would make us what we call a coffee milk, which was really just a dab of coffee, but a whole lot of milk.
Michelle Fox: That [00:06:00] sounds very New York style.
Dr. Regina Groff: So my cousin and I would have that. I remember. eating chocolate ice cream, but I never really liked chocolate ice cream, and so my cousin and I would just stir it really fast until it was really soupy, and more like chocolate milk, and then drink it from the bowl.
Dr. Regina Groff: So those, I remember those types of stories, and they were all in her kitchen.
Michelle Fox: How special. So it sounds like she was one of your first teachers and now you have shown up in the world as a teacher. And I shouldn't even say now, you've been a teacher for ever since I've known you. But I really want to hone in on how you're bringing your gifts to the world of education now.
Michelle Fox: Can you share just a little bit about the work that you're doing?
Dr. Regina Groff: Yes. So with commission, it is so much about the learner's journey. I, you know, when I think about learning, I think about I'm a lifelong learner and I know you are too. [00:07:00] So, if I could, if I could be a professional student for the rest of my life, I probably would be, because I just love learning.
Dr. Regina Groff: I love gathering information. I love research and actually my Enneagram number is five, which is, you know, for the researcher. but I absolutely adore it. But I also understand that so much of my commitment to lifelong journey has so much to do with lifelong learning has so much to do with my journey, through learning as well.
Dr. Regina Groff: So at a very early age, you know how much my mom emphasized education. Um, growing up in Brooklyn, New York, and I know you attended college there. But, you know, you attend a college in New York, but growing up in New York, I mean, just the opportunities are boundless as far as education and what you can learn.
Dr. Regina Groff: And so just always having these opportunities to learn something new, to discover something new in my [00:08:00] environment. And so wanting to, you know, just thinking about that with the everyday learner, and especially with adult learners, how much the learners journey is so much a part of our commitment to lifelong learning So, if you have very strong or positive memories from learning, then you're more likely to be a lifelong learner. If your experiences are very negative, then there may be some resistance or some apprehension to opportunities that are presented. And so. You know, I just like to hone in and understand where people are in their journey of learning and how they've gotten there, how they've evolved throughout their lives.
Dr. Regina Groff: And so that's really at the root of what we do before we even, you know, define a learning strategy for an organization I want to understand the journeys of the people that this strategy is going to impact the most.
Michelle Fox: And I so love that you used the word journey because it [00:09:00] is like, just looking at my life, as you mentioned, I went to NYU back when I was, you know, 18, 19, 20, and now that I am 50 and actually just recently returned to New York to study with the Goldman Sachs incubator, I'm like, wow, like my brain power back then versus my brain power now, like.
Michelle Fox: It's still feels very expansive and There's like all this space in the middle that I've been learning that maybe hasn't been in an academic institution, but I feel like, like, if I looked at a, like a chart or pie graph on the wall, it feels like it would be like an up and down, like, we're learning now, and now we're integrating.
Michelle Fox: We're learning now, and now we're integrating. And so the people that you work with, I imagine, again, I just, I so love the word you say, journey, because I think sometimes we can get yeah tripped up on ourselves, like, oh, I'm in the same place, or I'm in the [00:10:00] same job, or I'm in the same marriage, or I'm in the same friendship, and it's not feeling like I'm learning, or it's not feeling like I'm growing, but I believe all of our growing is a journey, and it tends to be incremental.
Michelle Fox: Would you agree?
Dr. Regina Groff: Absolutely. because I think that often people think of learning as something very formal. So I have to be sitting in a classroom when in actuality, it's really just about broadening your horizons, right? It's about, you know, looking into what else is new. It's about, what peaks your curiosity and then pursuing it.
Dr. Regina Groff: Like, I'm really curious about this so I'm going to go and learn more about this. but thinking of all of those areas as learning. Thank you. You know, where the, how can I fill in those gaps, you know, problem solving, you know, what do I have in my toolbox to help me figure out this problem. and if I don't have it in my toolbox, where can I get it?
Dr. Regina Groff: It's all learning. but as we get older, we have to remember to teach ourselves sometimes [00:11:00] to continue learning that part. We have to learn to learn. Yes, many ways, right? Yes. How do I learn to learn? How do I learn to relearn? Because we feel that we're old enough that we have so much already that we don't have to be on this
Dr. Regina Groff: path
Dr. Regina Groff: of discovery But every day we should be discovering something new even if it's just to make sure that we're emotionally well, socially well, psychologically well, physically well.
Michelle Fox: Let me ask you something. Are you ready for more connection? I know I am. And that is why I would like to invite you to nourish the membership where we are building community. We are boosting your health and we are finding new ways to have fun with social media. Get access to exclusive workshops and expert insights teaching you how to create irresistible content in a supportive environment. Plus we'll nourish your body with [00:12:00] mouthwatering recipes,
Michelle Fox: Helping you to make healthier choices in the kitchen and increase your energy levels.
Michelle Fox: But the best part I believe is that you will connect with like-hearted individuals and have a lot of fun as you walk your healing path. So come join us at michellefox.com/nourish and let's elevate our lives together.
Michelle Fox: And as you're saying that, I'm thinking of the mom who's sitting in the car right now who is tired because she just finished a full day's of work, she's sitting in the parking lot of her child's, let's just say soccer practice right now, and she's like, yeah, Dr. Regina, I hear you saying I need to learn, but I don't have any time. I lovingly call those excuses, but how would you talk to that mom about perhaps expanding her mind and expanding the idea of possibilities?
Dr. Regina Groff: It's funny you say that because I, when my children started [00:13:00] playing sports, especially soccer, I knew a little bit about my son played baseball.
Dr. Regina Groff: And I knew a little about baseball because I grew up watching baseball. Soccer, I didn't really have any understanding or insight to soccer until my daughter started playing it. And so every, you know, I had the opportunity to sometimes when I was exhausted to just sit in my car, but I also had the opportunity to learn more about the sport And so I learned that, you know, I learned more watching it on TV. So we will watch soccer games together. I watched her play and tried to understand the game more. That's learning. And so I think that we sell ourselves short by saying, I just don't have time to learn, but you're learning from your children every day.
Dr. Regina Groff: You know, you're learning from your family, you're learning from, even if it's learning to prepare a new meal, it's something. So we have to give ourselves credit for that as well.
Michelle Fox: Yes. And again, I always call you my [00:14:00] compassionate friend, because inside of me, I'm like, Hmm, perhaps there's ways that, like, when I'm hearing that I'm hearing, oh, she's not finding Ways to take care of her own needs and perhaps she needs to put boundaries in place to make that time for her own needs.
Michelle Fox: But I wonder if there's a way we can play with that together so that we can help her because I want her happy whether she's learning about her sport, because I will admit, and don't slap my hand too hard but Angel, my child loves guitar. That is her fun thing. She's like, you know, mommy, we're not going to put any measurements around this.
Michelle Fox: We're not going to have any kind of forced energy. She's like, this is my thing for fun. And like, I love that. And I celebrate that. And yet I don't have an ounce of curiosity about guitar lessons. You don't have to. Okay, good. [00:15:00] You're not going to slap my hand on that one?
Dr. Regina Groff: Oh, absolutely not. And I'm not saying that you have to become involved in everything that your children do.
Dr. Regina Groff: There are some things that are just for them, just like there are some things that are just for you. And I think that we need to have even just our happy space. What does that look like? So for me, and you know, this might be TMI, but I'm just going to throw it out there anyway. Okay. I remember it from a very early age.
Dr. Regina Groff: I told the kids do not disturb me if I'm in the bathroom, like sometimes the bathroom was the only place where I could find silence, right? So they knew not to knock on the door. So even if they did knock on the door, I didn't answer. if it's an emergency, then I'll know it's an emergency because you're screaming, but if it's not an emergency, do not disturb me.
Dr. Regina Groff: What's funny is they would just come and sit outside the door, which was hilarious and I would know they were there, but I just did not because I had set that boundary if I opened that door or if I started responding to them boundary be gone. So, if you set a [00:16:00] boundary, then make sure you stick to it, whatever that is.
Dr. Regina Groff: And for me, that was my time just to get away, even if it was just where I knew they were safe and if they're sitting outside the door, I know that they're safe. but I needed that moment for me. And that could be, you know, just sitting there. It could be reading whatever it was. It could just be thinking, meditating.
Dr. Regina Groff: It was my time, and so I do believe that yes, setting boundaries is very important. So, even for that mom who's sitting at her child's soccer game or soccer practice. It's okay to sit in your car. I had a lot done in my car during soccer practice and it's okay, and we don't have to feel guilty about that.
Michelle Fox: That is such a beautiful example. I love that. So of my friends who are watching us on YouTube, let us know in the comments, are you, too, one of the mommies who are hiding in the bathroom like Dr. Regina and I do, because I admit to doing the same, even as teenagers. I'm like, Yeah, I might be in there a while, but that [00:17:00] is my time.
Dr. Regina Groff: It's okay. It's my time. And we're not going to even call it hiding in the bathroom. We're just relaxing. We're taking our time. Ooh, I just got goosebumps. Yes.
Michelle Fox: That, that sounds like more permission. Yeah. More, more elegant. I like that a lot.
Dr. Regina Groff: We're allowing ourselves to be present with ourselves especially because we know in motherhood that often we can lose that
Dr. Regina Groff: Right? Just because we pour so much into our kids and, and into others that we forget who we are and we start defining ourselves by our kids based on what our kids do, how much they succeed If they fail, then that's how we define define ourselves
Michelle Fox: So, when I'm Looking at and thinking of our community. It's often women who are going through some type of transition, whether it's a physical transition or they're going through transitions through their work.
Michelle Fox: And, or [00:18:00] maybe like me, I'll raise my hand. I'm, I'm adding school on top of the career and on top of the family. Some of us are moving out of a relationship. And so for me, what I have found very helpful as I'm expanding my world is holding tight to my boundaries. And so in the work that you do and the clients that you work with, what are some of the tools, whether it's boundaries or not, to help us stay focused on expanding and taking that next level in our education?
Dr. Regina Groff: Well, the one I would also speak to younger people, in that we start thinking about that before those periods of transition, because I think that often the challenge has come. And I know the challenge for me, personally, especially, you know, over the last year where I became an empty nester, menopause, like everything just kind of piled on, you know, one thing after another is that I
Dr. Regina Groff: and I sat and I thought about, wow, it's a good thing that you had [00:19:00] actually considered what this moment might look like for you and how you could expand. when you have, kids, again, like I said earlier, it's hard to stay focused on those things that matter to you and where you're going with your life and focusing on your purpose.
Dr. Regina Groff: And if you're not intentional about it, you can certainly get sidetracked. So when those moments of transition come, it's a lot harder because you haven't thought about it in years. What am I going to do when I'm an empty nester? What am I going to do when I no longer have to go to soccer games and baseball games and back to school nights?
Dr. Regina Groff: And so I think that for our younger audience too, that it's really important that we start thinking about those things
Dr. Regina Groff: beforehand.
Dr. Regina Groff: You know, that we hold on to something and that we do have boundaries around things that we love. So these are the things that I love to do and I'm going to continue doing these because I love them.
Dr. Regina Groff: I'm not going, I don't have to wait until I'm 55 years old to do the things that I love. If I want to travel, then it's okay for me to travel to some place that I've dreamed of traveling. If I want to spend a certain amount of time reading, then I'm going to read during that time. If I need to make sure that I stay connected to my girlfriends and that we get to go out and that we're doing something once a quarter or once a month, and I'm going to do those things because I think that as women that we have trouble doing that.
Dr. Regina Groff: Now, my husband didn't have trouble doing that, you know, you know, he's still play golf, right, and make sure that he gets his golf in. But we think that we have to set ourselves aside and set our interests aside set our motivations aside, set our dreams aside, all for the purpose of raising kids and of family doing what everyone else wants us to do, even in our careers.
Dr. Regina Groff: So I need to make sure that I'm doing everything I need to do to please my boss [00:21:00] all this time we're pouring so much out that we end up one day realizing how empty we are. And so it's just really important to when we talk about those boundaries, especially around transition that we start building those boundaries before we get there.
Dr. Regina Groff: So that when we get there, that we have everything we need to continue to move forward and to propel. Ourselves towards what we really want and to continue pursuing that purpose that we know has perfectly. Hmm.
Michelle Fox: So divine. I, I needed to hear that one because even though I see myself as a boundary boss and Steve and the kids don't always love it, I find myself slipping sometimes.
Michelle Fox: And then guess what? I'm having a temper tantrum in the middle of my office because I'm like, nobody's paying attention, nobody's listening. listening.
Michelle Fox: And it's like, oh, wait. Let me look back at some of the little things I let slip. It's like, no more. So thank you so much for that reminder. I appreciate you.
Dr. Regina Groff: Yes. And I think that even in that too, we have to take responsibility for it when that happens, because it's so easy to blame everyone else around us.
Dr. Regina Groff: Oh, yeah. If you hadn't asked me to do that, if, if I was doing, if I wasn't doing this for you, if I, like, we allowed it.
Michelle Fox: Exactly. I'm like, wait a minute. Who said yes to that? Even though she's, in her heart, is screaming, no, no, no. But yet, I still did it.
Dr. Regina Groff: Right. Who's pouring from the empty cup?
Michelle Fox: Oh, boy. Thank you for that.
Michelle Fox: I also want to touch on something you said, which is purpose. For somebody who might be listening right now, and they're like, No, my purpose is my children or outside of my children I don't know what my purpose is. Or even if, you know, there's no children in that conversation. What is my purpose? How do I find my purpose?
Michelle Fox: how do you just even approach the word purpose? [00:23:00]
Dr. Regina Groff: So that's a really good question And for me, it has really just been about remembering myself as that little girl. And I take myself back there so often, because As we get older and we experience so much and we experience imposter syndrome, we experience failure, you know, we experience rejection, all of those things will impact how we see our purpose. And so sometimes I have to take myself back to that little girl who had big dreams, who felt who had a deep sense of purpose that knew that she was somebody. Who knew she was supposed to go somewhere, who knew she was on this earth for a reason. And remember that little girl and where she was. And when I feel like when I don't feel connected to her, I'll ask myself, where is she right now [00:24:00] and, and have to take myself, you know, just sometimes to step away to find her again and to remember, no, Regina, you got this, no, Regina, you're here for a purpose.
Dr. Regina Groff: You're here for a reason. And so I do believe that sometimes and just remember who we were and that deeper sense of purpose that we felt even on our worst days, you know, because I didn't have the perfect childhood. My mom attempted to make it as perfect as she possibly could, but there was certainly a lot of trials and a lot of tribulations.
Dr. Regina Groff: You know, I haven't seen my biological father since I was 13 years old. my mom, was abused, an abused wife. And so, you know, just that experience in itself and remembering all that, but still in the midst of it, even in the midst of that, and even in the midst of, when my parents, you know, when my mom and biological dad were divorced.
Dr. Regina Groff: and people questioning whether my mom could raise me by herself, you know, that's not good. You're not going to be able to do that by her by yourself. And, [00:25:00] you know, I don't know what she how she's going to turn out because, this is not a good thing. and so hearing that, but still being able to pick myself up, you know, and do something with my life, because I remember even that little girl in the midst of all of that, Thinking that I don't have to stay here. That this does not have to be my life. That I can, become bigger and greater and do things and having my mom feed that to me as well and encourage me.
Dr. Regina Groff: And so I think sometimes we have to go back. And if for you, it's not you as a little girl, find that moment when you did feel that because some, for some of us, Our childhood may have been so devastating that we never thought about, you know, who we could be.
Dr. Regina Groff: Maybe it came later in life. Maybe you've had glimpses of it. Take yourself to those moments when you believe and see how you felt in that moment and try to hold to that. And I think that it makes such a huge difference
Michelle Fox: That also ties back into the education piece because as children we are all sponges no matter what environment we're in and so the learning is rapid.
Michelle Fox: And then when you're saying for us to think back to a time that we did feel alive and did feel on purpose. That. typically is a learning time as well. And so when you are working with groups and people, how do you go about that? tell us a little bit more about commissioned.
Dr. Regina Groff: So what I love to do with CommissionED is the first piece in any relationship is the reflection stage. I start every single business relationship with a motive reflection. And what that means is that I like to take us on a journey to think about where we were, where we are right now and where we want to be. When you think about the transformation that you want to achieve personally and within your organization, what does that look like?
Dr. Regina Groff: But also, where [00:27:00] have you come from to get you to that point to want to transform in that way? What's meaning for you? Meaningful for you? And so for me, just having that opportunity to engage in that way is so important. And what's crazy about it is that, you know, I have in so many ways tried to restructure this and move that piece out of it, but in every way possible, it always points back to, that period.
Dr. Regina Groff: And so I love the journey of having people really discover why they want to be where they want to be. How they got to where they are,and really discovering where they came from. And I think it's so important, especially along, the learner's journey.
Dr. Regina Groff: So part of that journey for commission is beginning with this understanding of reflection. We want to build a learner's profile. What does that profile include? It includes understanding your needs.
Dr. Regina Groff: [00:28:00] It means understanding your learning style. It means learning more about your learning context. it may even ask the question for you to think about your school experiences. So many people have school trauma, school based trauma, which can impact how we learn later in life. It can impact our motivation for learning.
Dr. Regina Groff: So even understanding that,has a huge impact. And so that's the very first stage with a client is really that reflection stage And so that reflection can it can mean working, understanding the history of the organization, and it can also mean understanding the journey of the people who will be impacted by the work we do.
Michelle Fox: Hmm. How wonderful. And so people who are listening and they're like, well, I want help I want help finding my purpose and or I just want to bring you into my organization to help us get more clarity. How can people find you?
Dr. Regina Groff: Well, you can go to my website, which [00:29:00] is commission-ed.
Dr. Regina Groff: So that's C. O. M. M. I. S. S. I. O. N. dash E. D. dot org. also you can find me under on LinkedIn. Regina Groff. It's that easy.
Michelle Fox: I love it. We'll keep it easy. We'll make sure to link all of the ways that we can come find you and get some of your goodness in the show notes. Absolutely. And before we close, is there anything else you want to add to this conversation?
Dr. Regina Groff: Yes. I just want to encourage people just to continue to pursue learning as much as possible. It will help you grow. It'll keep you healthy. I know that, you know, Michelle, we talk a lot about health and our conversations when we're not here. but we often talk about health and our own journeys with health.
Dr. Regina Groff: but it'll keep you healthy. It'll keep your brain healthy. so look for those opportunities every step of the way in grasping that and embracing.
Michelle Fox: Oh, beautiful. Well, thank you for sharing your wisdom, even for a very short amount of time. You know, I can [00:30:00] continue to talk to you for the rest of the day.
Michelle Fox: I don't know how long, how well that would go over on, you know, on this medium, but thank you for sharing you and your wisdom and your heart. And most importantly, even thank you for being my friend.
Dr. Regina Groff: Absolutely. Thank you for having me. I so appreciate you and I'm so proud of you.
Michelle Fox: thanks so much for listening to Nourish. Have you been driving, doing laundry or walking around the neighborhood? Sweet. I've got show notes for you. Hop on over to michellefox.com/podcast. When you are ready. I will let you know that on the page, you will find resources to support what you just learned on today's show. And then of course you can grab some health supportive freebies as well.
Michelle Fox: If you enjoyed this episode, I would be honored. If you would leave a review on whichever podcast platform you are listening [00:31:00] on. It will help me with my mission to build healthier communities. One person at a time and it will help you because you will be part of that mission.
Michelle Fox: I'll be back next week and I encourage you to keep showing up for yourself and know that you and your health matter. Big love!
