HSN Episode #19: 3 Strategies To Avoid Burnout with Ivette Gonzalez Flower
INTRO: Welcome to Healthy Sexy Nutrition with me, Michelle Fox, culinary nutritionist, health coach, and your host for this podcast. I teach busy professionals how to get more nutrition in their bodies. And how to have more fun in their home kitchens. If you struggle with consistency or sometimes forget to make your needs a priority or you avoid planning your meals, you, my friend, are in the right place.
Join me each week for inspiration to increase your energy, discover new recipes, manage your hormonal woes, and so much more. You are a busy professional, but that does not mean your nutrition should suffer. You deserve to live in a body and have a life that you love.
So let's dig in.
MICHELLE FOX: Today we are talking to my friend and a powerhouse, Ivette Gonzalez Flower. She is the high achievers coach, and I just want to read her bio to you so you understand who we're talking to and how we're going to make some changes this year. Are you with me?
Ivette Gonzalez Flower is a certified leadership coach, a positive intelligence coach, and an experienced top-producing sales executive committed to helping high-achieving professionals achieve their goals. Ivette's high-achieving clients get more done in 12 weeks than most do in 12 months. Yes. Let me say that again. Her clients typically get more done in 12 weeks than most do in 12 months. Whew. Okay. Gotta take a deep breath with that one. We're, we're gonna dig into some, some of the background around that, so, so hang in with me. So coaching provides her clients with the tools to create healthy habits and strategies to maintain the mindset needed to focus on what matters most.
Ivette is a recovering perfectionist, aka, my sole sister. She is a high achiever. She is a corporate veteran. She is a Puerto Rican and a mother of three teens. She partners with busy professionals who are in the frenzy of juggling their career and personal life to acquire laser-focused productivity.
Ivette partners with high-achieving business owners, entrepreneurs, and sales executives who want to improve mental fitness and increase productivity so they can achieve their version of success, without burning out along the way. So Ivette, welcome to the show.
IVETTE GONZALEZ FLOWER: Thank you, Michelle. That was such a long intro. I am so sorry.
MICHELLE: Don't apologize. As soon as every word, every sentence I was reading, I was leaning in. I'm like, okay, I wanna know more about that. I wanna know about more about that. And so, because we only have 30 minutes, let's just jump in right away because I'm telling you. Burning questions over here. Um, but before we jump into our topic, which is 3 strategies to avoid burnout and also improving mental fitness, I'm wondering if you'd be willing to play a game with me.
IVETTE: I sure am.
MICHELLE: You're, you're always ready. I think maybe that's why we're soul sisters both, you know, recently turning 50, both being Sagittarius, both being moms, both being entrepreneurs, both being coaches, like. That's a lot. Uh, with that said, as I admitted to you before we hit the record button, I'm feeling a little selfish already knowing that I'm gonna get some free coaching out of this call. So if you're listening, hang in there.
Okay, so first question. Cats or dogs?
IVETTE: Oh, definitely dogs.
MICHELLE: Oh, another thing to add to our soul sister list.
IVETTE: Especially rescue dogs. Michelle, rescue dogs for me.
MICHELLE: Do you have one in your home currently?
IVETTE: Two right now. All of our dogs have been rescue dogs.
MICHELLE: I love that. Our Chloe dog, she came from Houston, Texas. There's a fun story there, but again, I'm being mindful of the time, but I'll just say, I couldn't live without my Chloe dog. So yes, I'm right there with you. And also, actually, I will pause a moment for the dogs. Don't you also find that they rescue us more than we could have ever thought about rescuing them.
IVETTE: My dog will greet me at the door every time I come in and his little paws go up and down and up and down. So you hear his little, little nails hit the, the floor and, and he just, he just wants me to say hi. It's so good to meet you. Thank you for creepy at the door, Kai. I love you too. Oh, I just love it.
MICHELLE: That is the best.
IVETTE: Don’t get that from my teens anymore or from my children because they're teenagers. So I love it that I get it from my dog.
MICHELLE: Oh my goodness. Yes. I did a recent Instagram post where I did a winky face, but I think everybody knows, uh, yeah. Chloe Dog is my favorite kid as well, cuz she doesn't talk back to me.
All right. When it comes to your flavor profile, would you say sweet, salty, or savory?
IVETTE: Girl, didn't you read Puerto Rican on that, uh, intro? I'm sassy. I am sassy. And I think it's funny that my husband married a sassy woman, you know, 20 years ago, and now he's like, dude.
I like sassy. I'm like, You knew I was sassy from the very beginning. That's what attracted you to me.
MICHELLE: I love it, miss sassy pants. And so then when it comes to flavor though, is it sweet? Is it salty or is it savory?
IVETTE: I would say, I would say a little bit of salty and savory and sprinkle some sweet in there, uh, as well. Um, cuz I'm, I'm working more on that
MICHELLE: I think that is so Sagittarius. It's like you can't put us in a box like we want a little bit of everything. I'm right there with you. Okay. Favorite movie of all time.
IVETTE: All time, Michelle. Um…
MICHELLE: This is the one that gets a lot of my guests. They're like, I, I didn't come on this podcast to talk about movies. I came to talk about my subject. I'm like, I wanna know.
IVETTE: Well, I think it would say a lot about somebody to know what their favorite movie was. You know, I laugh because I'm gonna say, um, Like just one of the kids' movies is the The Princess and the Frog with Tiana. And, you know, she didn't wanna kiss the frog to begin with. She wanted to work and, and achieve what she wanted to achieve, but then she realizes that sometimes it's not always about work, all work. But I just love, you know, that work ethic and, and, and showing the girls that, and you know, my son too, but the girls that you can't just sit around and wait for things to happen to you. You gotta make it happen. And, and so I, I would play that for them all the time and it's definitely my go-to Disney movie.
MICHELLE: That is so endearing and that so applies to our topic today. But before we jump into that, which you can see, I'm at the edge of my chair. I'm like, I wanna get in. I wanna get in. But the last fun game question is, would you be willing to share a story from a memory in the kitchen in your childhood?
IVETTE: Oh my gosh. So again, this story, I love seafood and the way that it all transpired for me was living in Puerto Rico in a little town called Isabella. And we would drive home in this dark, windy road, uh, to get to our house. And on the way to our house, um, we would see crab coming out of the ocean and walking on this road.
And my father said that when I was five, I said, turn on your, your bright lights dad. And so I, he did. And they would stop dead on their tracks and then we would throw them in the back of the car, and we would go home. And I remember my mom cooking these crab in this big giant. And not even waiting for it to come out and be cool enough really, because I, I just, we would stand around the kitchen, the, um, the island and just eat crab, it was the, the best tasting, freshest crab. And that's where I got my love for seafood.
MICHELLE: That sounds so amazing. Oh my goodness. Do you feel a bit landlocked living here in Colorado?
IVETTE: I still get my seafood, so no, I do not. I, we just ended the new year with getting Alaskan king crab leg. Uh, to our dinner table for my husband and I, cuz the kids were doing stuff.
So, no, I, I find every chance and opportunity to do it and unfortunately they've been overfished so I'm a little nervous as to what's gonna happen there.
MICHELLE: Hmm. Well, I love that resourcefulness and a woman who takes action, which is why you are the perfect guest to talk to us today about mental fitness. Specifically mental fitness as it relates to avoiding burnout. I will share with you that a lot of women in my community, we are wearing all of the hats. And I know this is not unfamiliar to you. You know, we are doing the child rearing. We are also taking care of our aging parents. We are also taking care of the household. A lot of us are building businesses on top of working in corporate jobs. And I mean, even just saying those handful of things and there's, there's plenty more, but that makes me feel burnout just talking about that. And so, one of the things I really love that jumped out to me on your bio is when you talk about your clients achieving their version of what success looks like without getting burnt out. So can you talk to us a little bit about what that looks like and and how we can get there?
IVETTE: Definitely. I think what, like you mention, We wear a lot of hats and we think that multitasking is the way to go. We are not quite sure how to say no to things, and that is what creates that stress and that overwhelm. And so when you think about pausing and reflecting on what really matters, It's not about being busy for the sake of being busy. It's not about saying yes to everything, because as soon as you say yes to that, you say no to yourself. So that main point here of avoiding that burnout is being aware that you're doing it right. Being aware when you look at your calendar, being aware, when you are looking at adding something else, but somehow it's gotta happen next. Right. Oh, well I've got a million things going on next week. Let's just throw in one more thing. And so that's what creates that burnout and that overwhelm, and putting yourself last on that list is also what contributes to that.
MICHELLE: Yes, and what I want to highlight, one thing you said, the word no, like I pride myself on being a boundary boss, which of course the teenagers do not love having a boundary boss, mother. However, I've learned that if I don't keep my boundaries, that is a quick way to get to burnout. However, what you said, and I'd love to just talk more around, is saying the word no to yourself is what you just said. I would love to see more women saying no to people outside of their circle who are asking for things that nine times outta 10 they can probably handle on their own. So can you talk a little bit around the word no. In the work that you do?
IVETTE: Yes. I love boundary Boss. That's a great, uh, term there to use. The idea of, no, that's been a hard one for me. I, that, that recovering perfectionist, I'm still working on that. So when I, I try to tackle too many things and I, and then I wanna do them to the fullest, right? I wanna give a hundred over a hundred percent to everything that I do. Well, it drains your energy. And when you say yes to one thing, you're saying no to something else, and are you saying no to yourself? So for me, the way to have those boundaries is to think about what depletes you throughout the day. Are you in stress mode? Are you anxious? You're getting stuff done right? But are you moody about it? Are you, um, overwhelmed and anxious, distressed, and I'm getting it done, but, but look at me. Uh, you know, you're kind of wearing this victim mentality in a way, but you're getting stuff done. So that is what is draining. If, if you are at three o'clock in the day and you're exhausted, unless you've been working on the railroad, all the live long day physically working on the railroad, all that is coming from mental fatigue. So how do you stop that? And that's what I love, what this conversation's gonna lead to when we talk about 3 strategies.
MICHELLE: Yes, and I definitely wanna jump into that next. I just wanna add a little hip tip that recently I heard someone say, I would rather disappoint somebody else. Than disappoint myself. And when I heard that, it gave me full body goosebumps. I feel like, yes. Like I feel like I'm finally at this point in my life, you know, 50 years later where I can say that is true. I sincerely would rather have somebody else be disappointed than me. Be disappointed because guess what? 50 years now, I've been the one that's been kind of, you know, quietly taking it all in and it has not served me.
And by the way, I don't think it truly serves the other people when we're saying yes, when we really mean no. So as far as strategies like somebody who's listening right now, I would love to give them some takeaways cuz they might say, Yeah. Ivette. Yeah, Michelle, easy for you. You're studying this stuff, all the live long day. To refer back to what you said earlier, but are there three just simple things that people can either look at or maybe say to themselves to kind of change some of these habits?
IVETTE: Yes, there, there is. If you think about that awareness piece, that's step number one. Am I moody and cranky? Like what is your mode or energy, your modality for the whole day when you get out of bed. Is it, “Oh, I've got this to do. I've got that to do.” Um, I and, and then you're heart races and you're anxious about it and you're stressed, and now you're moody and you're snapping at people, you know, and especially our own families, right? We're probably not gonna snap at people at our coworkers as easily as we would our family members. So, so if you're noticing when you get out of bed and you are already, you're thinking of all the things you gotta do and you're going straight to them. That awareness is key. Okay? The awareness of, am I thinking of this as fear-based? If I don't do this, then then all these pieces are gonna fall to the wayside, or I'm the only one that can do this a hundred percent perfectly, so of course it has to be on my list.
I don't trust anyone else. So when we are sabotaging ourselves from the very beginning, that is where that awareness piece comes in to understand where is this coming from? It's not about psychoanalyzing ourselves, but just, ah, so. I, I like to play a game when my judge comes out, that inner critic, like, oh, you're not doing it well enough, or, or she can't do it well enough, so now I need to do it myself. Those are all, you're judging the situation or you're judging yourself the other person or the situation. Whenever that brings my stress and anxiety up, I am aware of it and I actually call her. There goes Judge Judy.
MICHELLE: Tell us more.
IVETTE: So the idea of making fun of it kind of takes away her power. Right? Kind of takes away that inner critic in us. That's, you know, you're not doing it well enough or you don't have the right experience or, you know, there's, there's a way to get to blameless discernment from that and to stick to the facts more so than um, getting on yourself. Does that make sense?
MICHELLE: Mm, it does. It does. And the word trust that you also mentioned, I feel like that's up for both of us, just as we are hiring new people and being fellow recovering perfectionists. I think this is an awesome time for us to be aware. Step one, that you're sharing this strategy to be aware of where we can make more space to trust and not only trust in other people, which might sound obvious, but trust in ourselves to hold on to the values that we claim we have and that we talk about. But let's see how that truly plays out as we're trusting other people with our businesses.
IVETTE: Yeah. And how you approach that, right? There's a language that's, and an energy that comes through that can be positive and, uh, can get you to that action that you're seeking without judging the situation or judging them or coming across as if you are. So there's, there's a lot of steps to get to that action. Um, but at least awareness is the first thing.
c Fantastic. What is our second thing? .
IVETTE: The second thing is using so when, when you're stressed and anxious and moody and shamed and guilt and all those things come in like I should, I, I, you know, a lot of people should all over themselves, right? When that is where your mind automatically goes, that is the fight or flight part of our brain. It's the left part of our brain. So the second step is to activate the right side of our brain. Positive intelligence calls this the sage. Some people could make this more of like a spiritual thing. So if you surrender to a higher power, that could also be, the part of your brain that produces endorphins instead of that cortisol producing part of the fight or flight, which gives you that frenzy feeling of stress and anxiety. So if we could activate the right side of the brain, so now we could find some empathy for ourselves or that other person or the situation, and we get that inner peace, and then we could move to whether we think outside the box, whether we move to action that's favorable to our values.
Then you are calm. I don't know if you've ever, and I love the parenting idea of when you're so mad at your child because their room is a mess and you've asked them to clean it 20 million times and they just haven't done it, and you just blurt out, I'm gonna throw away every single toy that's on this floor if you don't pick it up by blah, blah, blah. And then you walk away. Well, you were in the fight or flight part of your brain. That wasn't rational. That wasn't peaceful, that wasn't getting someone to action in a way that you would want it done, right? Like wouldn't you be resentful to someone if that's, that was if your husband said to you, pick up your makeup from the counter or I'm gonna throw it all away.
MICHELLE: That, yeah, that, that would be very painful for me in many different ways. So yes, I'm, I'm following you.
IVETTE: So you would just be resentful to that person for saying it that way. And sometimes when we're in that height of emotions and we blurt things out, we regret probably 99% of it, right?
MICHELLE: Yes.
IVETTE: So if you could activate that part of the brain, and maybe it's walking away and stepping away, but you breathe in and you breathe out. And you find that center and sometimes, like my husband even says, give yourself 24 hours before you get to action. You don't need to say, this is what I expect. Right? So give your chance, yourself that chance to not be in that fight or flight mode so that you can have that peace. And you could say something like, “pick up the toys you'd like to keep before dinner,” and then walk away. So now they think they have control cuz the toys that they don't wanna keep. What happens to those?
They're like, oh boy, I better hurry up and get this done. It's not you tugging at toys and throwing them away in the moment. And so the idea here is when we come from a place of calm and and peace. We could be creative, we could think outside the box. We could have that challenge that, you know, whether it's at work, um, or at home, that you are gonna have that calm and you're gonna be able to have decisive action, or that other person is gonna feel like they are part of that decisive action as well. So that you get some compliance and then you're not having to regret what you said or did it.
MICHELLE: You get that buy-in. Cuz that sounds like a very compassionate approach. And so step one is awareness. Step two is to attract our sage. I love that word. Which I believe both of those can come to us if we choose to meditate. And or be very intentional first thing in the morning. I'm very curious. Our third strategy, is that going to be in the meditative range as well?
IVETTE: Oh yes. You are reading my mind here, the idea is that self command, that muscle to be able to want to move through that part of us, that it is endorphin producing the, the, the part that gets us to that decisive action and not staying in that saboteur mindset longer than we need to. So think about it this way, and I love, I wanna go back to the meditating part that you just said, but think about it this way. When we get so excited about something and we're so upset with ourselves or somebody else, we are putting our hand on the hot stove. Okay? The hot stove is there to tell us, alert, alert, there's something wrong, right? No wonder you were aggravated by something or, or something that happened, right? There's an alert. But if you keep your hand on that stove for 24 hours, the next day you wake up at 3:00 AM and you're like, I can't believe I said that. I can't believe I did that. Your hand is still there.
So command yourself to let go. Put your hand out of the fire and then you can get to that activate part of our brain. So now we have control how long we stay in that mode of fight or flight, that's never gonna go away. We're wired that way. That's the left part of our brain. That's where, um, you know, there's, it's important to be in that part of our brain if we do need to get away from something and not think and just go and do. Right?
So the idea of meditating, I love how you said in the morning, if you can, ideally, if you can close the door and set your candle or your diffuser and you have your yoga mat and you're in this Zen mode and you're probably there for 15, 20 minutes, you're like, yes, I'm gonna crush my day. Look how I'm starting it this morning.
Yes, that works great, but what do you do in the middle of the day when those things arise? When those situations arise. Well, there's a quick two minute meditation that you could do and do you want me to do it?
MICHELLE: I would love that, yes, please.
IVETTE: Okay, so let's take two deep breaths in. And again, now rub two fingertips so you could feel the ridges of your fingers as you're breathing. This is using your sense of touch. You can also do this underneath your table or your desk at work, so no one knows that you're doing this. So now you're not having to wait till you're in a quiet, calm space to activate that part, that meditation does help a lot of us, right? So now you could do it in the middle of that meeting or that conversation that's really getting you anxious. You can also think of how your body feels on the chair, how you're sitting, how the weight is, and you're breathing through it.
So this is all about being present minded. Right. I love Eckhart Tolle's book on, on the awareness of presence or, what is it, The Power of Now. Another thing that you can do is you could listen, use your ears to listen to the furthest thing away. Maybe you hear like a car driving by or you listen to your breath coming in and out.
So now you're activating that right side of your brain, and hopefully some endorphins are coming out and they're, they're producing this in your body. So now you are calm and you're at peace. There's a lot of other techniques that we could, we could do. Those are my top favorites. But you could use visualization, um, focus on, on shapes and colors. And I have to tell you when I do that one, I do that when I'm outside walking and I look at the clouds and especially the clouds here in Denver, in Colorado, aren't they just bright and vibrant?
MICHELLE: Magical. Yes.
IVETTE: When you're really looking at them with this intensity of, of that calmness, they become even brighter and bigger and fluffier. It's like you're looking at life with high definition lenses. It it's incredible. So this is just a few things. So, so really it's the idea of being aware that you're being sabotaged, that you're activating the part of your brain that produces endorphins and allows you to think of creative ways to solve a certain problem or challenge, and then it's that self command to get there and not stay in that saboteur mode for longer than that alert, and then you move forward.
MICHELLE: So I wanna role play real quick cuz I can just feel a client or two that I know fits into this. So are you willing to role play with me?
IVETTE: Of course.
MICHELLE: Okay. You’ll be, let me, let me find a fun name. I'll be, actually, that's not fair. I have too, I have too many friends and clients. I, I don't want them to think I'm talking exactly about this.
IVETTE: Let’s call her Christie. Christie seems to be a popular name.
MICHELLE: Okay. I like it. Thank you for choosing that cuz then all my friends who are named Christie, they'll know it wasn't, it wasn't me. I'm not pointing fingers at them. So, okay. Yes. So, hi coach Ivette.
IVETTE: Hello Miss Michelle, or no? Are you Christie?
MICHELLE: I'm Christie.
IVETTE: Oh, hi Christie. Good morning.
MICHELLE: Hi. So I am that corporate mama who has a teenager. He's almost out of the house. I want and believe I need to lose 15 pounds. I've been talking to this coach Michelle, about nutrition, and yes, she has some great ideas. However, I am calling you from this corporate table right now and I'm following your rules, so I'm aware that I want to lose the weight. I'm also aware that there are these delicious cookies staring at me, that everybody around me is tasting. I am activating my inner sage, and I also hear Coach Michelle's voice saying, you of course can have that cookie, but it's not gonna get you to your nutritional goals. And then three. Your third strategy, the self command. I am talking, talking, talking to myself about not indulging in those cookies. However, I'm also finding myself missing out on some key details that my boss is saying to me across the table. So coach Ivette, should I just keep breathing and like rubbing underneath this corporate table to, to bring me back to my center?
IVETTE: Okay. So I mean, Christie, uh, I, I am. I totally understand that you have so much going on, especially with the teenager in, in your world, in your in your home, who probably likes those cookies and probably likes all those other things, those snacks, and so they're around. Right. What I love about that, the idea of that operating system that I just told you about, we could apply this to anything. So weight loss is a good one. Okay? So you have that awareness. I, I think they're stress, like some people stress eat, right? Like sometimes when they're not even hungry. So when you have to stop and you have to think of that awareness, where, where, what is that? Is that stress? Are you eating because you're stressed out?
Are you really, or are you really hungry? Right? Like, those are the two big things that you have to understand with your saboteur. Um, and, and what's causing you to want to jump on those cookies at that time. Okay, so now you know, yeah, this is, I'm stress eating right now. I'm eating this because I'm stressed.
So I'm thinking when we get to that sage, when we activate that sage part, I'm thinking, Michelle, your coach would say, what can you do instead? Is there water you can drink? Is there an alternative that you could have? Because those are the actionable, the actionable items that we're trying to get to. But we're not gonna get to that sage action item if we're still letting that stress take over. Guess what? Stress wants salt. Stress wants to just throw that cookie in the mouth. Right? So that's why we're, we're stopping, we're doing our breathing techniques, and then we're seeing. Okay. Like you said, you can still do it. You could still eat it. That's about giving ourselves some grace, right? We can't do it all perfectly, so the self command part of this would be, “okay, I'm going to eat it, but I'm not going to feel guilty about it, but maybe I'll do an extra 10 minutes of working out.” Whatever it is that you've talked to yourself into, or you have an alternative to what you're gonna do. So you can't apply those three steps to that to losing weight, um, to being productive. And it's about working with you, Michelle. Is people are gonna be motivated and excited and you are gonna hold them accountable. But what happens when you're not around? Are they gonna slip back into their saboteur ways? Hopefully not if they can apply these steps.
MICHELLE: So, my goodness. I have so many more questions. I would love to have you back. I know this is just a tippy, tippy top of the work that you do with your clients. Thank you so much for sharing it for my community who is listening and they want more of your genius and more of your beautiful support, where can we find you?
IVETTE: Oh, thank you Michelle. They could find me at iflowersolutions.com. And for anyone that's listening that is interested in finding out more, before we do our second podcast, I am putting on a workshop, it's called the Positive Intelligence Training Program. It's a six week program and you get an app to track your progress. To give you some support. We have community support. It's coach led by me. You do a lot of learning and understanding and that, understanding the insights of, of the new vocabulary or, or the research. It's all science-based. And then guess what? You get to practice, practice, practice. You practice for two minutes here, two minutes there, two minutes at the end of the day.
And if you can do it for 15 minutes of the the day, your neuro pathways to your brain will start to activate and start moving towards that sage instead of that saboteur. So we practice. So for anyone that's interested, I am doing a buy one get one for free. So bring a friend and you get 50% off. So if you're interested, email me at [email protected] and that will be in the show notes so you know how to spell my name.
MICHELLE: Fantastic. We'll absolutely put all of your links and ways to contact you in our show notes at michellefox.com/podcast. I just want to say thank you, Ivette. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, and thank you for being my friend.
IVETTE: Aww, you're so sweet. Thank you so much for having me. This is so much fun. And yes, when are we gonna do this again?
MICHELLE: Okay. We'll, we'll make it work. I'll have my people talk to your people.
IVETTE: All right.
MICHELLE: I'll see you soon.
IVETTE: All right. Bye.
MICHELLE: Thanks so much for listening to Healthy Sexy Nutrition. Have you been driving, doing laundry or walking around the neighborhood? Sweet. I've got show notes for you at michellefox.com/podcast. Click over there when you are ready. I will let you know that on the page you will find resources to support what you just learned on today's show.
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Big love from your favorite culinary nutritionist and health coach. And until next week, keep showing up for yourself and know that you and your health matter. You deserve to live in a body and have a life that you love.
